The Next Step

There are those who describe life as in chapters. Others describe life in steps. I guess one can deduce, whichever description one chooses, life moves in stages (oh another type of time labeling). For some, the next step is always the toughest. To take the new step, the next leap in the forward momentum of life is daunting, and sometimes absolutely paralyzing. The transition from middle school to high school, high school to college are some of the easier transitions, in my personal opinion; life changes, but the act of studying continues. However, the transition from college to work, I feel, is difficult. For those, like myself, who rarely had worked and focused solely on studying, preparing for exams, and writing papers, the act of looking for a job is just blah.That’s the only way I can describe it. Seriously.

When I first started to look for work, I had no clue. I applied to a number of jobs, and never got called back. I got a few internships, and some odd jobs, then a summer camp position. Yet, the yearly part time, and ideal full time, jobs alluded me. Then I went to study for six months. Again back to the wombs of education, to sit, wait, think, learn, and experience something else. Finally, I had to apply to jobs, albeit teaching positions in South Korea and Japan, and I landed my first “job” almost 2 years ago. However, to my dismay, this job is anything I want to do for the rest of my life. Or is it just my tenacious inner desire to try something else?

Long story short, I have yet reached another transition phase. A different step. Paralyzed here I sit, and write my woes. My thoughts converging into sentences, spilling out onto this page before you. My heart wrenched in fear. My stomach churring with uncertainty. The anxiety building in my thoughts. What should I do? Where should I go? Which path will lead me straight to one with less foreboding?

The answer is unclear, and uncertain. Yet, each path promises something unique. So life is unpredictable.  I cannot control the entirety of the course of life, the course of the world. However, I can influence it. I can change and control myself within the world around me. Choosing something, and rolling with it so to speak. As I look to my peers, I see the same struggles. As I look the my elders, they experienced the same struggles. Nothing in life is certain (well to be dark I guess death is the only certain thing in life, yet exactly when is unknown). Yet, at least I know now better than what I knew in the past. I guess its time to decide where and what I shall do next. Try things, and see what happens.

The future is like a mist, or a fog of sorts. A future can vaguely be seen, but not clearly. Images blurred, not crisp. Yet, when the mist of uncertainty disappears, in time, we hope to see clearly a bright future before us. One filled with some stability, and comfort, or at least, roots for happiness.

Stay humble. Work hard. Be kind.

CT

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